A New Year!

A New Year!

by Jayna ♥ 1 Comment

As I sit here thinking about 2018 I’m reminded of how freaking hard it was. It was hard y’all. My Uncle had a liver transplant in January and died in October. I haven’t experienced a loss quite like that. My great grandparents passed away in 2010 when I was 21/22 but they had lived long and full lives. Do I miss them? Everyday! But I could rationalize it. Ya know? My Uncle still had a lot of life to live.. I’m shocked that I’m even saying that he died. He.DIED.

However, there were SO many blessings wrapped up in this year and alongside his illness and inevitably the loss of him. So many. God really is so good! BUT, I am so thankful this new year! The possibilities, the positivity, the newness, the wonder, the goals, health & happiness. It’s funny that a new year could invoke so much awe but it does. For me.

This blog began as a way to document my adventures with Jack but a part of me was sad because we didn’t go on many this year. I felt like a fraud almost and unworthy of writing. I’ve come to realize that we did in fact have the biggest adventure of all this past year and that was soaking up every last second with our Uncle. It wasn’t the typical mountain adventure or nature walks or really much of anything outside. Instead it was an adventure of life (and death) which created a dialogue rich in context about heaven and God and angels and Jesus and family and how toxicity doesn’t belong in our lives period not just not in our food and home. It was an adventure of self discovery and realizing just how strong I am… even when I had to peel myself from my sheets some days & that crying in front of my children IS okay.

I am happy to close the door on 2018. So very happy. I look so forward to 2019 and all of the adventures life has planned for us. I am thankful that I learned some lessons like life really is too short to have people in it that don’t care & that negativity is something I can get rid of. I’m thankful for the people in my life that do care unconditionally. I’m thankful for the time I had with my Uncle up to 6 hours before his passing and that I got to tell him everything I wanted to say even if he couldn’t hear me. I’m thankful for even the really awful moments w/ him in the end.. ones that haunt me even BECAUSE what a privilege it was to take care of someone that took care of me.

My hope for us all is that 2019 is kind to us, we have health and happiness, our prayers & dreams come to fruition, we receive grace and give it, that we recognize negative people and things before they wreck havoc in our lives and that we are able to live each day as our last. That we learn to say yes and no after careful thought in terms of our best interest, that we may be a glimmer of hope to someone, and that we have a ton of adventures!

Happy New Year!

Sorry Not Sorry?

Sorry Not Sorry?

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Why is everyone so offended these days? Oh, I probably just offended you, oops. I’m not heartless, ignorant or self righteous but I truly don’t get it.

The “Baby It’s Cold Outside” controversy right now is baffling to me. I’ve heard the song a bazillion times in my life and I guess just never sat down to analyze every word. Who has the time between dry shampoo days and soccer games? Am I sad that women (and men for that matter) have been violated and objectified? Of course! Am I sad for someone that’s heard it and feels that way over again? Sure. But what’s the answer? In my humble opinion there isn’t one.

I’m a Christian so I hate the LGBTQ community? I practice Wicca so I’m evil? I had premarital sex so I’m a whore? I had a child out of wedlock (make that two – gasp) and they’re “bastards”? I’m a republican so I hate pro-choice? I’m a democrat so I have no scruples? I eat organic so I’m better than you? I bed share so I’m a pedophile? My child was sleep trained so she was neglected? I’m white so I can’t possibly understand anything because of my privilege? I’m a minority so I must be uneducated and headed to prison? I mean What in The actual Fuck? Need I go on? Okay, I will… I don’t allow my son to see his father so I’m awful? I allow my son to and I’m awful. I’m not Jewish so I can’t embrace Hanukah? I’m not a Christian so you can’t say Christmas you must say happy holidays? I’m on an antidepressant so I’m broken? I cuss so I can’t love Jesus? I support equality so I have no moral compass? I don’t support gay marriage and I have no moral compass? My child has a breakdown in public so I must not be disciplining? I spank my child and CPS needs to be called immediately? Is it not possible to support the police but not support police brutality?

This is an ever changing world and thank God for that. Progress has been made yet there is a long way to go. I still don’t know that being politically correct all of the time is right. I mean honestly, if you feel a certain way in your bones and you don’t communicate like a reasonable person to another reasonable person(s) and you follow politically correct protocol then aren’t we just a bunch of liars? The only way to change is to LEARN from one another. Civilly. You know, because we have made progress? I accidentally cut someone off in line today so I paid for their coffee. I didn’t know if he was a killer, a rapist, gay, a bigot, a father, an asshole but just that he was human. * For the record: had he of been a killer, rapist, or bigot I prob would have flipped him off & sped away while listening to my Christian radio station and calling him every profanity my mouth could muster under my breath or not since Jack said “What the hell is that?” while pointing at a weird bug later on in the day. 😬 * Wait, should I not have called the bug weird? Jesus take the wheel.. I don’t know if that’s on the appropriate list or not. 🤦🏼‍♀️

It seems like I’m making light of horrific things that have happened to people, cultures, societies, etc. and I’m truly not. Injustices piss me off just like they do you. But let that fire inside you drive YOU to be better. Live and let live. Be kind. Don’t be an asshole. Join civilized organizations or groups to make a difference. Peacefully protest for change. Make your voice be heard. You just don’t have to condemn and judge others to do so. We are ALL a work in progress. We have ALL been mistreated. Guaranteed. And pain is pain. We are ALL working through trauma of some sort. Because we are ALL human. ✌🏻

Edit: those that have sexually and/or physically assaulted, verbally and/or mentally abused, etc. ANY man, woman, or child should absolutely be criminalized or rehabilitated based on the case. I am in NO way saying that that is okay because it is NOT and if you’ve read my other blogs or know my story you’d know that to be true.

* Featured pic was used from quizlady.com

“My cancer is back” …

“My cancer is back” …

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

My uncle (was like my dad) had cancer in his liver and some lesions in various other areas. He did treatments over the course of a year or so and it went away. Yay, right? Yes! But then, because of the treatment and other issues leading up to that in years prior, he needed a liver transplant. This wasn’t incredibly shocking because we new he would eventually need one but what was shocking was when we received a call last December saying “You’ve been moved to the top of the list, we think we have a match and come in now!” That’s enough to make your head spin in and of itself.

We went in 3 times, he was prepped and at the last minute the match wasn’t a match after all. But in January he was matched. It was a miracle. A hard one knowing that someone had to die for him to ultimately live but a miracle none the less. They anticipated he’d need to stay with me for 6 weeks post op. He defied those odds and stayed at my house for a WEEK and was released. So amazing! An answered prayer.

Of course there were some issues with meds and figuring out his new normal but he was healthy and continued to surprise not only us – his family – but the doctors. The first 3 months are the scariest and he was passing with flying colors. But then he started not feeling too well; he was getting more and more tired, he’d have unexplained pain, etc. but again we just thought this was part of the process and didn’t expect what was coming next.

At his 6 month follow up in July he underwent an mri. And that’s when life changed. He called like usual to fill me in and said “Well, the cancer is back, my liver is covered and has metastasized to vital organs like the lungs, etc.” WHAT?! How can this be?! My heart broke in that moment and 3 and a half short months later he died. Today is the one month anniversary of his funeral actually.

Death is odd. It can be beautiful for sweet old souls that pass in their sleep and then there’s the ugly; babies dying of cancer, horrific accidents, etc. The thing the two have in common are infinitely knowing you won’t see that person again earth side. And although I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns am I forever going to remain in a state of disbelief?

Have you ever been so lonely when you’re in a crowded room? I have. About 10 years ago my heart broke for the same uncle and I was so angry and desperate for God to help him. I cried out and pled and even though I knew in my heart that God does things in His timing my heart was shattered anyway and I was angry at God for about 2 years. Two loooooong years. I forced myself to pray, I had honest convos that went like: “God, I love you but I’m so angry at you. I don’t want to be but I am.” “WHY won’t you DO SOMETHING?!” And then some convos that conveyed my mastery in profanity. 🤬

I refuse to do that this time. I realized that God was with him every step of the way and He did help him in His time. And now this. I’m clinging to God with all of my might because if I don’t I can’t be the mom, friend, family member, human that I need and want to be.

So…. how am I dealing with this death that seems so unfair? By watching Christmas movies with my love bug and putting up my Christmas tree w/ enormous lights of course. 🤣🎄

I’m fully aware that Thanksgiving is weeks away and I give zero effs. 🤷🏼‍♀️ The holidays will be hard this year. This year has been hard. So if Christmas decorations bring us happiness then I’m down. I’d love to hibernate in my bed until I feel “normal” again but I refuse to. Instead I will honor him by taking care of my health even more so and by being the best me I can be because anything less than that wouldn’t be fair to my family, friends, him, and myself.

If you have had a loss and feel all alone – I see you. If you are angry at God – I understand you. If you are trying to find your happy in the midst of a storm – my heart is with you. ❤️

Another SHOOTING! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Another SHOOTING! 🤦🏼‍♀️

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I rarely am out on weeknights. But tonight Jack and I met friends for dinner. My phone was tucked away at the bottom of my purse that sat on the floor. Yes, I realize that’s disgusting but not the point. We met at 6 and left at 7:30. I couldn’t hear my phone but when we walked outside I had 36 text messages and countless missed calls.

I answered the phone and was told that there was a shooting at a local restaurant 4.2 miles from my house. A mother and her children were shot, possibly others, and the shooter by another person dining there. What??? Why???

The person is believed to suffer from mental illness. When will this stop? WHY are people not being treated for mental illness? I have a couple of theories — 1) anytime our state wants to make budget cuts it’s usually in the form of mental wellness. 2) the stigma that is placed on people for being “sick” has.got.to.stop.!

We are all broken to some degree.

*This post was written in May of 2018 & apparently I forgot about it and didn’t post. So let me add this now..

Since typing this initial blog – there have been several other shootings. This is beyond my comprehension. And innocent lives being lost is EFFED up! Having to second guess whether or not you attend CHURCH or the MALL or go to WORK or take your child to SCHOOL is sick!

Bless the hearts of everyone effected in any of these past events and future ones. You want a gun? Cool. Pass a background check AND a mental health exam. ANNNND using resources to help those that are mentally ill.. you know, early intervention? Will that end this all? Certainly not but I bet it would sure lessen it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Who’s calling? “They didn’t have a face, mommy!” as the decline buttons pushed. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Who’s calling? “They didn’t have a face, mommy!” as the decline buttons pushed. 🤦🏼‍♀️

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I think sometimes there is a misconception that if you are a stay at home mom or you’re homeschooling you’re really vegging out on the couch and your little one is an idiot that shoves toilet paper up his nose all day. 🤣 Nope & nope!

Rarely will you find us vegging except at bedtime which is 6:30-7:30 (GASP) for Jack. We are goers by nature and early risers. And in the car a LOT. He didn’t have screen time until he was over two but made up for it today because I’m pretty sure he had my phone in the backseat most of it. “All is well in moderation” — I’m chanting that if you didn’t know.

So….. how did he homeschool today. How did he learn a thing with his eyes glued to my iPhone? Because we talk. And talk. And talk. I use (almost) every errand or try to anyway as a learning opportunity. Today, we took my mother to the doctor. He informed two doctors that they should have glubs 😍 (gloves) on because of all the bacteria. We listened as my mother was told a plan of action and 25 minutes later she asked me what one of the details was and before I could open my mouth he looked up and told her. We picked up two rocks from her neighbors yard 😬 and that discussion led to volcanos and then to earth quakes and then to the extinction of dinosaurs. 🤷🏼‍♀️

We came home and fed Little Wing (our broken winged butterfly) and talked about how he eats. He colored a picture while I unloaded the dishwasher, and then did our normal nighttime routine before bed. So no, he wasn’t in a classroom for 7 hours today and yes he had entirely too much screen time but our littles are learning all.of.the.time.

All this to say that today wasn’t our norm. And I’m okay with that. He’s 5 and while I do teach him what he “should” know at this age I focus primarily on the things of interest to him. Why? He’s a child and needs to be taught specific curriculum?

Life is full of educational opportunities. I’ve always followed his lead. And when he’s interested in something he generally masters it. So he may not know all of the required sight words for kindergarten but he sure does know a lot more than I knew at his age.

Do you momma! Whether that be homeschool or brick and mortar. There is no right or wrong only what’s right for YOUr family at this moment in time. 👊🏻

Who’s Down With The Sickness? – part 2

Who’s Down With The Sickness? – part 2

by Jayna ♥ 2 Comments

So the other day I blogged about bone broth and the benefits. Today it’s elderberry!

I’m a firm believer in elderberry and it’s benefits. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t take it nor would I give it to Jack. I’m not against western medicine BUT if we can avoid it by eating clean and using food as our medicine then I’m doing it hands down.

These photos are our arsenal of health to keep us healthy on top of a nutritious diet – and yes, we have donuts or cake or hot chocolate here and there. Moderation baby.

But I wanted to try my own batch of elderberry syrup, saw a friend posted her recipe, and headed to Natty G’s. I bought the organic dried elderberries for $5 and had everything else. Even if I wouldn’t have the price to make your own is so much more economical than buying store bought PLUS you can add what you want to make it more medicinal.

So here I have dried elderberries, cinnamon sticks, ginger, cloves, and honey.

Here is the link to the recipe I followed:

https://youtu.be/XOYzWyFGkqM

EXCEPT I’m waiting for the syrup to cool before adding a cup of local raw honey to it to not compromise the wonderful effect of honey in and of itself.

If you don’t want to watch the video:

1/2c organic dried elderberries, 5 organic cloves, 1 organic cinnamon stick, 1tsp of finely grated organic ginger OR 1/4tsp ground (that’s what I had on hand) and 2 cups of filtered water. Bring to covered boil then reduce heat and simmer for 25-30mins. Cool and add 1c of honey. Voila!

Elderberry (w/o honey yet) on the left and bone broth on the right. Yum.

* Elderberries are particularly rich in flavonoids, especially anthocyanins which are responsible for their deep purple (almost black) colouring. These powerful antioxidants work to keep the immune system strong and resilient. Dr Gerhard Rechkemmer is the President of Germany’s Federal Research Institute for Nutrition and Food. His research has shown that the anthocyanins in elderberries boost the production of cytokines – proteins that act as messengers within the immune system – thereby enhancing the body’s immune response. Cytokines play a crucial role in the immune system’s response to disease and work in ways very similar to hormones. They can be both inflammatory or anti-inflammatory depending on what is needed and are released by immune cells either directly into the blood stream or locally into body tissue during an immune response.

These tiny berries are also believed to contain antiviral agents– compounds so potent they are thought to deactivate viruses. Viruses are unable to multiply on their own and need to get inside a healthy cell to do so. They are cleverly coated with something called “haemagglutinin spikes” to help them pierce the cell wall. These viral spikes are also covered with enzymes which the virus uses to break down the cell wall. Elderberries have high concentrations of bioflavonoids which appear to inhibit the action of this enzyme, thus deactivating viruses and rendering them unable to pierce the cell wall and replicate. https://www.indigo-herbs.co.uk/natural-health-guide/benefits/elderberry

Thank me later! 😘

Be kind. It’s simple.

Be kind. It’s simple.

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Recently Jack started Play Therapy. I’ve questioned whether or not to discuss this here but I’ve decided to for two reasons. 1) When a child needs help we help them. 2) Because I want him to grow up with the tools to express himself in a healthy way, problem solve, and have healthy relationships.

Backstory: He has been through some traumatic events. I tried diligently to shield him from them but that isn’t always possible. I was at the library at our co-op one day and he pushed me (new behavior that breaks my heart) and a friend w/o judgement told me about this book.

It was if God himself placed her there at that very moment and I immediately checked it out. As I was reading it spoke about the brain… all about the brain and how we as parents have to tune into it. We are all a little traumatized so this book helps adults heal too. If we are healed then we are better equipped to help our littles heal. However, we needed some more help.

* Let me say here quickly that my child isn’t “broken” and why I feel the need to say that makes me sick because I’m so against the stigma that comes with therapy. *

He has a friend, my best friends son, and there were (are) times he would almost bully him even though he loves him so much. They’re 4… well 4 and 5 now as they both just had birthdays! 🎉 Where did he learn this behavior? I’d always been patient, I’d always been nurturing, I practice gentle parenting, we play outside, I’m hands on, I’m home with him….. you get my drift. Then I realized two things: another child had been aggressive towards him and used words we didn’t allow (not an excuse but truth) and he was having BIG emotions that he was unable to verbalize to me. Our schedule had been off and there were a couple of life changes that happened but still – where did my sweet boy go? This was beginning to affect our relationship and other close relationships we have. My true friends didn’t treat him any different, were so very supportive of us both, and were willing to help me help him anyway I could. There were a select few that chose to talk about him and me as if we were a joke. Quite disgusting.

We’ve been twice now to play therapy and by reading the book there has been some improvement! I can’t wait to see how he flourishes moving forward with play therapy and by being around those that truly love him.

This is my goal for him. ⬆️ I’m not a quitter and we will win this together.

My goal for myself. ⬆️ And I think so many other parents should take note of it too.

Thursday, we had play therapy and then that same night issues arose with a couple of people I know unbeknownst to him. Friday, probably after a day of processing from therapy he brought up a hurtful event that happened to him from a friend. We talked through it over and over until he was comfortable enough w/ our discussion to go to sleep. Unfortunately, I had to discuss that adults can be mean to each other too. His sweet self said “mommy, I don’t want anyone to be mean to you.” I explained I felt the same for him and that it’s important to be the friend he wants in return.

Man, we certainly can learn a lot from children.

And what a great quote for adults too! ⬆️

Who’s Down With The Sickness?

Who’s Down With The Sickness?

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It’s that time of year and it sucks! Shedding from vaccines from back to school, viruses, etc. ain’t nobody got time fo that. 🤧🤒😷🤮

Well I found myself w/ a cough that feels like it’s leading to bronchitis. 🙄 It couldn’t possibly of come from Jack that recently was congested and thinks it’s hysterical to cough in my face. 🤦🏼‍♀️

So…. after two days of upping my probiotics, and sipping on elderberry syrup I decided this weekend would be the beginning of our annual bone broth making. I make this all throughout the fall and winter.

Last night I made baked (organic, free range, vegetarian diet) chicken with caramelized red potatoes and organic broccoli for dinner.

I cleared the bones of any remaining meat and refrigerated them over night. * my least favorite part might I add and makes me want to become a vegetarian every.single.time. – maybe someday. * Then placed them in the crockpot w/ an onion, ACV, pink Himalayan salt, black pepper, carrots unpeeled, garlic & 8 cups of filtered water. Will let it simmer on low for 24 hours, strain w/ a cheese cloth and pour in mason jars.

It will last up to a week in the fridge and 3 months in the freezer!

“Bone broth is one of the most beneficial foods to consume to restore gut health and therefore support immune system function and healthy inflammation response. Collagen/gelatin and the amino acids proline, glutamine and arginine help seal these openings in the gut lining and support gut integrity. Traditionally made bone broths are believed to support healthy inflammatory response and normal immune system function. (7, 8) Bone broth can even promote healthy sleep, boost energy during the day and support a healthy mood.” www.draxe.com

Bone broth also protects joints, helps with the gut, promote healthy skin, boosts detoxification, along with boosting the immune system.

I’ll drink 8oz a day throughout “sick season” and the little will drink 4oz. 😋

Ever feel like a mom failure?

Ever feel like a mom failure?

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

No? Just me? Almost daily? 😭

Lately we’ve been off. The house is in disarray, our schedules (don’t hate – we thrive on them) have been cray, we’ve had extras come up and life happens and I’m tired and when my house is crazy I feel crazy and… gasp. All of these things are true BUT we are also at a stage of testing boundaries, sharing those BIG emotions LOUDLY, and if I want to be real – defiance. Straight up. It makes me lose my shit patience on the inside, makes me mad and sad and want to scream and cry all at the same time.

This babe is amazing. He’s hilarious and quick witted and charming and cute and smart and creative and adventurous (hence the name of the blog) and really really really sweet and cute… wait I already said that but I’ll say it again for the peeps in the back – CUTE! 😍

He’s also strong willed, determined, and quite sure of himself. Qualities I absolutely love but they can also be tiring for this momma and those near and dear to us. My goal will never be to extinguish that fire!

Even as adults we have to be reminded and recenter ourselves. We have to go back to the basics and build on what’s worked before. For example: with us – he didn’t really talk until he was 2. No delays and could comprehend everything just didn’t talk. He made sounds and signed and that’s how I knew his needs but there were days that he had huge emotions and literally couldn’t voice them to me so he bit me. My knee jerk reaction could of been ugly but I had to pause for a minute and remind myself. I started acknowledging his emotions… you must be sad, upset, frustrated, etc. and I ignored the biting. By the Grace of God and God alone ignoring the “bad” behavior worked well for us.

When things are out of whack or we are going through a developmental leap (I don’t even think they’re called that at his age but ya know) I have to go back to the basics. I could be filled with mommy guilt and beat myself us but tonight I choose to give myself grace.

I pulled out this book at bedtime and we read it. I can not tell you how much I love this book. I change the wording around a bit in some areas but it’s all of the things I say only this book has a way of letting them HEAR it.

And now I’m off to drink a glass of well deserved wine. Cheers.

Breast Implant Illness – does it exist?

Breast Implant Illness – does it exist?

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16 years ago, at the age of 24, I got breast implants. I had thought about it for 4 solid years. I was a tiny a cup on one side and a double a on the other. I’m very petite but curvy so I just wanted to be proportionate. I didn’t do it for a man or men in the future. I truly did it for me. To make me feel better about me. As vain as that may sound to some it worked. I didn’t go large.. in fact the morning of surgery I asked the Plastic Surgeon (PS) to go down a size smaller. This would then make me a full b small c. No one that I hadn’t told knew I had implants. They looked and felt real.

I went with round Mentor Smooth Saline above the muscle. My PS suggested I went below but I had a 4 yr old at home at the time and needed a faster recovery. He said they may ripple but I was fine with that. And actually they really didn’t. I got “lucky.”

Similar to mine. Clear, soft, and smooth.

↪️ Fast forward to December of 2017. I felt tired all of the time, I had a little appetite, and I felt off. I know my body extremely well and something wasn’t right BUT I thought my Uncle was receiving a liver transplant so I was under a little more stress than normal. That bled over into January of this year BUT then he got one 🙌🏻 and stayed here at my house for a bit. Was the worry about him and the stress of the past toxic (past blog) 4 years just getting to me.

↩️ Back up a bit now – I’d had joint pain after Jack and lost a lot of weight then too. I was also nursing on demand and that babe was demanding. 🤣 I felt like my body was turning on itself. I eat really pretty well. I supplement w/ a b-complex, d3, turmeric, e, and CBD. I’m active – like not a marathon runner 🙄 but a get up and go kind of girl that rarely sits down. I’ve always been into health but rid the house when I was pregnant with Jack of anything toxic. In other words nothing toxic in our house, on our bodies, and try to eliminate putting anything in our bodies but Panera and Chick-fil-a annnnnnd drinking Coke 🤦🏼‍♀️ is my crack. We do detox baths on the reg and everything in moderation right? 😉

I developed an autoimmune disorder called Annuloma Granulary in my mid to late twenties but thought nothing about it really. I’m not sure why really but maybe because I was busy busy busy with my older son then. I had the mercury filling taken out around then too. But overall pretty healthy. I guess when Jackson was about 2 I went to see my PCP but saw the PA that day. I listed off joint pain, tired, lower back pain, my autoimmune disorder, etc and asked for a complete blood panel. She told me I had fibromyalgia and postpartum depression. Um…. what?! PPD is REAL and I can’t imagine but I didn’t have it. And fibro? Not accepting that. I went to my OBGYN.. he said sounds like rheumatoid arthritis. Cool. Except it wasn’t.

I stumbled upon this group from a crunchy moms group I’m in a couple of years ago and asked to join. I was desperate. Here is the website if you would like to find out more

https://healingbreastplantillness.com and they have a FB group too. Y’all over 41k members. So I kind of took note.

↪️ Fast forward again: over the last 6 months I’ve had my blood work done again, have been referred to my OBGYN to check for the possibility of ovarian cancer, and have had genetic testing done through Ambrey Genetics. But then on 6/9/2018 (the day before my 39th Birthday) I woke up in excruciating pain and in shock. My right breast felt as if it had been kicked with a cleat as hard as someone could. I was shaking. I got up and my little one and I went to a friends house. I needed to see if I was somehow overreacting. I asked if it was bruised and she said it wasn’t but was hot to the touch and so hard she felt my skin would rip and demanded I went to the ER. I’m really never sick and I certainly don’t go to the ER.. I think the last time I did was when I was 9 after breaking my collar bone but waiting until the morning. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The ER PA was clearly concerned but was really out of his element. He called for a breast specialist to come down but she was in surgery so he referred me to her office (that didn’t take my insurance) and/or my OBGYN that I’ve been waiting to get into since April. No answers. I went to my PCP and she was concerned and ordered an ultrasound. I had that done (in the ER) and they found a “fluid pocket” so the radiologist read it, gave me a cd, & sent me on my way. Next stop: the PS that did the surgery so many years ago. He said I had a (late, normally if they occur it’s within the first year) capsular contracture. He said to up my vitamins and come back in two weeks and that I shouldn’t be concerned about the Seroma (fluid), that Breast Implant Illness doesn’t exist, that he’d removed them but that if I didn’t put new ones in (silicone mind you) that I’d be deformed in so many words. Oh, and all of this for $5400. Chump change, gah!

In the mean time I was becoming very sick. I had major brain fog, my lower back felt like it was going to snap, I couldn’t eat – I.could.NOT.eat. Like anything. I began having gastro problems. I’ll spare you the deets on that but I bet you can imagine. And in two weeks I went from a healthy weight of 116 down to 101. I’m 5’2. I had my labs ran again at an after hours clinic. NOTHING came back. No food poisoning, no parasites, no bad bacteria at all. Nothing.

Back to the PS. Nothing had changed and neither had my options. So back to my PCP and thank God for her because she was the ONE person in the medical field that looked me straight in the eye and said “I think these things are making you sick and we’ve got to get them out!” 🙌🏻 I’m not crazy. I knew I wasn’t but to hear someone in that position really HEAR you and TRUST you BELIEVE you… I could of cried.

This was taken from www.drparsons.com to show what a new implant looks like (first pic, scroll up) to them removed. These are so mild compared to others I’ve seen from real women. Calcification, mold, leaks, ruptures…. the capsule and scar tissue must be removed too AND tested! Why?

What is ALCL you ask? Read THIS! 👇🏻

https://www.fda.gov/MedicalDevices/ProductsandMedicalProcedures/ImplantsandProsthetics/BreastImplants/ucm239995.htm

Now scheduled for a MRI with contrast and will move forward from there. Hopefully with a breast specialist at the hospital so my insurance might cover the removal. I’d rather be “deformed” than feel like I’m dying.

* And why is this on our adventure blog you may be wondering? Well.. because I nursed him for 4 years out of these, I’m super centered around homeopathy, organic living, etc. (oh the irony of having toxic bags implanted 😩) and this is happening. One thing I won’t be is inauthentic and this (my health) directly effects him as well. 😘