A New Year!

A New Year!

As I sit here thinking about 2018 I’m reminded of how freaking hard it was. It was hard y’all. My Uncle had a liver transplant in January and died in October. I haven’t experienced a loss quite like that. My great grandparents passed away in 2010 when I was 21/22 but they had lived long and full lives. Do I miss them? Everyday! But I could rationalize it. Ya know? My Uncle still had a lot of life to live.. I’m shocked that I’m even saying that he died. He.DIED.

However, there were SO many blessings wrapped up in this year and alongside his illness and inevitably the loss of him. So many. God really is so good! BUT, I am so thankful this new year! The possibilities, the positivity, the newness, the wonder, the goals, health & happiness. It’s funny that a new year could invoke so much awe but it does. For me.

This blog began as a way to document my adventures with Jack but a part of me was sad because we didn’t go on many this year. I felt like a fraud almost and unworthy of writing. I’ve come to realize that we did in fact have the biggest adventure of all this past year and that was soaking up every last second with our Uncle. It wasn’t the typical mountain adventure or nature walks or really much of anything outside. Instead it was an adventure of life (and death) which created a dialogue rich in context about heaven and God and angels and Jesus and family and how toxicity doesn’t belong in our lives period not just not in our food and home. It was an adventure of self discovery and realizing just how strong I am… even when I had to peel myself from my sheets some days & that crying in front of my children IS okay.

I am happy to close the door on 2018. So very happy. I look so forward to 2019 and all of the adventures life has planned for us. I am thankful that I learned some lessons like life really is too short to have people in it that don’t care & that negativity is something I can get rid of. I’m thankful for the people in my life that do care unconditionally. I’m thankful for the time I had with my Uncle up to 6 hours before his passing and that I got to tell him everything I wanted to say even if he couldn’t hear me. I’m thankful for even the really awful moments w/ him in the end.. ones that haunt me even BECAUSE what a privilege it was to take care of someone that took care of me.

My hope for us all is that 2019 is kind to us, we have health and happiness, our prayers & dreams come to fruition, we receive grace and give it, that we recognize negative people and things before they wreck havoc in our lives and that we are able to live each day as our last. That we learn to say yes and no after careful thought in terms of our best interest, that we may be a glimmer of hope to someone, and that we have a ton of adventures!

Happy New Year!

“My cancer is back” …

“My cancer is back” …

My uncle (was like my dad) had cancer in his liver and some lesions in various other areas. He did treatments over the course of a year or so and it went away. Yay, right? Yes! But then, because of the treatment and other issues leading up to that in years prior, he needed a liver transplant. This wasn’t incredibly shocking because we new he would eventually need one but what was shocking was when we received a call last December saying “You’ve been moved to the top of the list, we think we have a match and come in now!” That’s enough to make your head spin in and of itself.

We went in 3 times, he was prepped and at the last minute the match wasn’t a match after all. But in January he was matched. It was a miracle. A hard one knowing that someone had to die for him to ultimately live but a miracle none the less. They anticipated he’d need to stay with me for 6 weeks post op. He defied those odds and stayed at my house for a WEEK and was released. So amazing! An answered prayer.

Of course there were some issues with meds and figuring out his new normal but he was healthy and continued to surprise not only us – his family – but the doctors. The first 3 months are the scariest and he was passing with flying colors. But then he started not feeling too well; he was getting more and more tired, he’d have unexplained pain, etc. but again we just thought this was part of the process and didn’t expect what was coming next.

At his 6 month follow up in July he underwent an mri. And that’s when life changed. He called like usual to fill me in and said “Well, the cancer is back, my liver is covered and has metastasized to vital organs like the lungs, etc.” WHAT?! How can this be?! My heart broke in that moment and 3 and a half short months later he died. Today is the one month anniversary of his funeral actually.

Death is odd. It can be beautiful for sweet old souls that pass in their sleep and then there’s the ugly; babies dying of cancer, horrific accidents, etc. The thing the two have in common are infinitely knowing you won’t see that person again earth side. And although I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns am I forever going to remain in a state of disbelief?

Have you ever been so lonely when you’re in a crowded room? I have. About 10 years ago my heart broke for the same uncle and I was so angry and desperate for God to help him. I cried out and pled and even though I knew in my heart that God does things in His timing my heart was shattered anyway and I was angry at God for about 2 years. Two loooooong years. I forced myself to pray, I had honest convos that went like: “God, I love you but I’m so angry at you. I don’t want to be but I am.” “WHY won’t you DO SOMETHING?!” And then some convos that conveyed my mastery in profanity. 🤬

I refuse to do that this time. I realized that God was with him every step of the way and He did help him in His time. And now this. I’m clinging to God with all of my might because if I don’t I can’t be the mom, friend, family member, human that I need and want to be.

So…. how am I dealing with this death that seems so unfair? By watching Christmas movies with my love bug and putting up my Christmas tree w/ enormous lights of course. 🤣🎄

I’m fully aware that Thanksgiving is weeks away and I give zero effs. 🤷🏼‍♀️ The holidays will be hard this year. This year has been hard. So if Christmas decorations bring us happiness then I’m down. I’d love to hibernate in my bed until I feel “normal” again but I refuse to. Instead I will honor him by taking care of my health even more so and by being the best me I can be because anything less than that wouldn’t be fair to my family, friends, him, and myself.

If you have had a loss and feel all alone – I see you. If you are angry at God – I understand you. If you are trying to find your happy in the midst of a storm – my heart is with you. ❤️

Who’s calling? “They didn’t have a face, mommy!” as the decline buttons pushed. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Who’s calling? “They didn’t have a face, mommy!” as the decline buttons pushed. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think sometimes there is a misconception that if you are a stay at home mom or you’re homeschooling you’re really vegging out on the couch and your little one is an idiot that shoves toilet paper up his nose all day. 🤣 Nope & nope!

Rarely will you find us vegging except at bedtime which is 6:30-7:30 (GASP) for Jack. We are goers by nature and early risers. And in the car a LOT. He didn’t have screen time until he was over two but made up for it today because I’m pretty sure he had my phone in the backseat most of it. “All is well in moderation” — I’m chanting that if you didn’t know.

So….. how did he homeschool today. How did he learn a thing with his eyes glued to my iPhone? Because we talk. And talk. And talk. I use (almost) every errand or try to anyway as a learning opportunity. Today, we took my mother to the doctor. He informed two doctors that they should have glubs 😍 (gloves) on because of all the bacteria. We listened as my mother was told a plan of action and 25 minutes later she asked me what one of the details was and before I could open my mouth he looked up and told her. We picked up two rocks from her neighbors yard 😬 and that discussion led to volcanos and then to earth quakes and then to the extinction of dinosaurs. 🤷🏼‍♀️

We came home and fed Little Wing (our broken winged butterfly) and talked about how he eats. He colored a picture while I unloaded the dishwasher, and then did our normal nighttime routine before bed. So no, he wasn’t in a classroom for 7 hours today and yes he had entirely too much screen time but our littles are learning all.of.the.time.

All this to say that today wasn’t our norm. And I’m okay with that. He’s 5 and while I do teach him what he “should” know at this age I focus primarily on the things of interest to him. Why? He’s a child and needs to be taught specific curriculum?

Life is full of educational opportunities. I’ve always followed his lead. And when he’s interested in something he generally masters it. So he may not know all of the required sight words for kindergarten but he sure does know a lot more than I knew at his age.

Do you momma! Whether that be homeschool or brick and mortar. There is no right or wrong only what’s right for YOUr family at this moment in time. 👊🏻

Be kind. It’s simple.

Be kind. It’s simple.

Recently Jack started Play Therapy. I’ve questioned whether or not to discuss this here but I’ve decided to for two reasons. 1) When a child needs help we help them. 2) Because I want him to grow up with the tools to express himself in a healthy way, problem solve, and have healthy relationships.

Backstory: He has been through some traumatic events. I tried diligently to shield him from them but that isn’t always possible. I was at the library at our co-op one day and he pushed me (new behavior that breaks my heart) and a friend w/o judgement told me about this book.

It was if God himself placed her there at that very moment and I immediately checked it out. As I was reading it spoke about the brain… all about the brain and how we as parents have to tune into it. We are all a little traumatized so this book helps adults heal too. If we are healed then we are better equipped to help our littles heal. However, we needed some more help.

* Let me say here quickly that my child isn’t “broken” and why I feel the need to say that makes me sick because I’m so against the stigma that comes with therapy. *

He has a friend, my best friends son, and there were (are) times he would almost bully him even though he loves him so much. They’re 4… well 4 and 5 now as they both just had birthdays! 🎉 Where did he learn this behavior? I’d always been patient, I’d always been nurturing, I practice gentle parenting, we play outside, I’m hands on, I’m home with him….. you get my drift. Then I realized two things: another child had been aggressive towards him and used words we didn’t allow (not an excuse but truth) and he was having BIG emotions that he was unable to verbalize to me. Our schedule had been off and there were a couple of life changes that happened but still – where did my sweet boy go? This was beginning to affect our relationship and other close relationships we have. My true friends didn’t treat him any different, were so very supportive of us both, and were willing to help me help him anyway I could. There were a select few that chose to talk about him and me as if we were a joke. Quite disgusting.

We’ve been twice now to play therapy and by reading the book there has been some improvement! I can’t wait to see how he flourishes moving forward with play therapy and by being around those that truly love him.

This is my goal for him. ⬆️ I’m not a quitter and we will win this together.

My goal for myself. ⬆️ And I think so many other parents should take note of it too.

Thursday, we had play therapy and then that same night issues arose with a couple of people I know unbeknownst to him. Friday, probably after a day of processing from therapy he brought up a hurtful event that happened to him from a friend. We talked through it over and over until he was comfortable enough w/ our discussion to go to sleep. Unfortunately, I had to discuss that adults can be mean to each other too. His sweet self said “mommy, I don’t want anyone to be mean to you.” I explained I felt the same for him and that it’s important to be the friend he wants in return.

Man, we certainly can learn a lot from children.

And what a great quote for adults too! ⬆️

Ever feel like a mom failure?

Ever feel like a mom failure?

No? Just me? Almost daily? 😭

Lately we’ve been off. The house is in disarray, our schedules (don’t hate – we thrive on them) have been cray, we’ve had extras come up and life happens and I’m tired and when my house is crazy I feel crazy and… gasp. All of these things are true BUT we are also at a stage of testing boundaries, sharing those BIG emotions LOUDLY, and if I want to be real – defiance. Straight up. It makes me lose my shit patience on the inside, makes me mad and sad and want to scream and cry all at the same time.

This babe is amazing. He’s hilarious and quick witted and charming and cute and smart and creative and adventurous (hence the name of the blog) and really really really sweet and cute… wait I already said that but I’ll say it again for the peeps in the back – CUTE! 😍

He’s also strong willed, determined, and quite sure of himself. Qualities I absolutely love but they can also be tiring for this momma and those near and dear to us. My goal will never be to extinguish that fire!

Even as adults we have to be reminded and recenter ourselves. We have to go back to the basics and build on what’s worked before. For example: with us – he didn’t really talk until he was 2. No delays and could comprehend everything just didn’t talk. He made sounds and signed and that’s how I knew his needs but there were days that he had huge emotions and literally couldn’t voice them to me so he bit me. My knee jerk reaction could of been ugly but I had to pause for a minute and remind myself. I started acknowledging his emotions… you must be sad, upset, frustrated, etc. and I ignored the biting. By the Grace of God and God alone ignoring the “bad” behavior worked well for us.

When things are out of whack or we are going through a developmental leap (I don’t even think they’re called that at his age but ya know) I have to go back to the basics. I could be filled with mommy guilt and beat myself us but tonight I choose to give myself grace.

I pulled out this book at bedtime and we read it. I can not tell you how much I love this book. I change the wording around a bit in some areas but it’s all of the things I say only this book has a way of letting them HEAR it.

And now I’m off to drink a glass of well deserved wine. Cheers.

Bed-Sharing, yes or no?

Bed-Sharing, yes or no?

I believe in attachment parenting which is defined to me as picking up babies when they cry, following their cues, baby wearing, listening to them, speaking calmly, redirecting instead of using the word no all of the time, breast feeding (IF able and IF that works for mom,) hugging, kissing, endless I love you’s, etc.

It isn’t a fad. I wasn’t mommy warred into it. It came naturally to me.

With this came bed sharing. Let me interject here for a hot second – I was 18 with my first child. I didn’t breast feed him but even then I had a pull to follow his cues. I didn’t do it as well as I have with Jack because I was honing into who I was at that time too but he also bed shared. He had his own room and his own crib then bed then bunk beds but he slept with me for many years.

With Jack I truly thought I’d exclusively pump, for six weeks only, and that he’d sleep in a bassinet next to my bed & then nap in his crib during the day and sleep in his crib at night. All I can do is laugh at my thoughts. 😂 He latched immediately in the hospital 🙌🏻 (a blessing that doesn’t go unappreciated because many aren’t that lucky) and that he nursed for 4+ yrs. Yep!

As a baby he nursed every 2 hours for at least the first 6 months. I gave up on the bassinet on day 1.5 I’m pretty sure. It was easier for us both. He didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2. I couldn’t do the “cry it out method” nor did I want to. I also had know desire to sleep train him. It is NOT uncommon for babies to not sleep through the night especially during their many developmental leaps. Again, bed sharing was easiest for both of us. I could tend to his needs much quicker and was able to sleep more… and what momma doesn’t need more sleep?!

I recently went to see my PCP (that I love, admire and respect) and she said it’s time to get him out of my bed. She said we both need our own space and time. So that got me thinking…. am I doing something wrong here? Will I emotionally stunt him? Will I never have my bed to myself? What if I get married someday? What happens when he has sleepovers here? PANIC ensued. But then I honed back into my mommy gut and remembered that he’s doing extremely well emotionally, I’m not getting married anytime soon or even remotely soon – I’m talking no marriage on the radar period. 🤣 And I’m okay with that. And I’m also okay with him sleeping with me, in my bed, in his little space that’s carved out for him except for when feet invade mine. 🤷🏼‍♀️

And then this. ⬆️

Every family has the right to decide what works best for their family as long as abuse isn’t occurring. It certainly isn’t here. Do you my friends and so will we.


Toxic People

Toxic People

My friend recently sent me this text message

And I thought about it since yesterday. Do I want to get so personal? Do I want that part of me exposed? No. I don’t. BUT I’m going to and here is why….

And that was just a quick google search.

I fell and when I say fell I mean I dove head in an empty pool in love with my middle school crush after running into him years later. Safe right? I mean I knew him. He was so funny and charming and smart and quite easy on the eyes just to name a few. He drank… a LOT but I just didn’t see it strangely. My mother was an alcoholic and I’m pretty no tolerance when it comes to that but was completely blinded. It took me a good 2 years AFTER leaving that I could even utter those words about him – alcoholic.

Our relationship was coming to an end after I found myself (a non cryer) sobbing nightly realizing that this relationship was not just toxic for me but for him as well. I was classically enabling him. Hindsight really sucks sometimes. AND then I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say he wasn’t very happy about that but we continued until Jack was 5 months old and I literally couldn’t take it anymore. Things were getting worse and I refused to allow my little to grow up similar to me — my mother wasn’t abusive FYI but still not a road I was willing to expose him to.

I had no idea how much worse it could get AFTER leaving. But it did. The verbal abuse began, the allegations began, the broken windows in the middle of the night began, the doorbell ringing (knowing the dog barking would scare my infant) began, the social media bashing, the defamation of my character, destruction to the outside of my house, the threats, the child welfare checks accusing me of neglect began, and the stalking. With that MY anxiety began, counseling began, playing in the backyard vs front yard, calling the police, filing VPO’s, countless VPO violations, constantly looking over our shoulders, not trusting anyone, guilt, shame, anger, etc.

If anyone thinks that verbal and psychological abuse isn’t just as awful as physical try telling that to a mother holding her screaming baby that climbs up her like a tree and physically shakes when the doorbell rings.

So why am I writing this? On a blog about my adventures with my child? Because this has unfortunately been a four year adventure that has yet to stop.

Based on stats from www.americanaddictioncenters.org 8 MILLION American adults battle both a co-curring mental health and substance abuse disorder.

In our case he struggles with alcohol & drug use coupled with Bi-polar disorder. The combo of these is scary in and of itself.

On average 24 people PER MINUTE are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the US every year. That is 12 MILLION people. Let me repeat – 12 million people! 1 in 3 people in their lifetime (nearly half of all women) have experienced physiological aggression which is about 48%.

Was it hard to walk away? Yes. Do I pray for him and his health daily? Yes. Do I pray that Jack received the very best of both of us – since he was in my womb and continue to. Am I sad sometimes still? Yes. Is that okay? Yes. Why? Because this wasn’t The dream I had hoped for for my family nor was it a walk I wished for him.

So what has this last FOUR years taught me? I was broken too. To allow that treatment while we were together and by not seeking help earlier. Is it my fault? No. We are all a little broken. BUT we are worthy – all of us – of being treated with love and respect and not intimidation. That although my little doesn’t see his father he has now a very healthy mommy that puts him first ALWAYS and always has. That I will fight my ass off and heart out to change the laws regarding abuse of any kind and the process of VPO’s and the repercussions of violations and that my story IS worth telling.

If this reaches ONE person and gives them hope then my horror hasn’t been in vain. And that my friends is why I shared. ❤️

Miss Betty’s

Miss Betty’s

There is something about the outdoors. Something about the air, the dirt, the freedom, the adventure that can not be explained. Jack comes alive in a different way. His mood changes, his smile is different and his imagination goes wild.

Recently we went to a women’s house that we lovingly call Miss Betty. I can’t even tell you her age but I guarantee she would no longer be considered a “miss.” She lives with her daughter on a small farm and it is perfection. I have known her (my best friends grandmother) for 26yrs this year. But for our kids to experience this too is amazing.

They got to pet the skin of a snake that lives in the barn. I mean, I’d die if I knew a snake was anywhere near me, but this one is welcomed. And got to touch, examine, explore, and hold a birds nest that is made so amazingly that you can only praise Jesus.

So.many.animals run free on the many acres they have from horses to chickens to goats to roosters. And turkeys.

And then the tractors, oh my!

As the day escaped us way too quickly the littles were able to pick their own strawberries…

Can you even? 😍⬆️

Before we were sent home with dozens of fresh eggs!

I have ALWAYS considered myself a City girl but I tell you that every time we encounter a new farm I feel this pull inside of me. There is absolutely nothing like it. The hard work, the filth, the sweat, the tears, the harvests, the peace, the adventure, the imagination, the dreams….

I’ve said it a thousand times and will a thousand more — you can learn ANYWHERE. Follow your heart and the heart of your children regardless of if it’s a farm, a newspaper stand, a video game, etc. Just watch what comes alive in your child. That second right there will help you help them. To see there eyes twinkle is to know their little minds are soaking it up. And the beauty of it all is you’re right there with them. ❤️

Teen Mom vs Mom at 34 and the Differences in the two.

Teen Mom vs Mom at 34 and the Differences in the two.

This blog is called The Adventures of Jack but truly the adventure began 21 years ago yesterday. I was 17 w/ 17 days until my 18th birthday and had just given birth to the most beautiful 9lb baby boy, KJ.

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing if I want to be honest. I knew nothing about breast feeding… I wasn’t even comfortable yet in my own skin. I knew nothing about how to feed him period. I overfed him too many times to count. I knew nothing about colic which he had. In 1997 they (doctors because I had no clue there were other resources) recommended babies slept in a crib or bassinet on their side. He hated it. It took about 2 weeks for my maternal instincts to kick in. We began (safely) bed-sharing, he napped on his tummy, and we gently bounced instead of rocked to sleep.

I have to say the first year was rough. I loved him beyond measure but had no idea that I could follow his lead and develop his own schedule. I was getting so much advice but one reached me more than the others. He’s your baby and no babies are the same so you find out what works best for the both of you. That help me not feel like a complete failure.

After the first year things began to fall into place. He was my everything. Truly. My grandmother once told me (several times actually) that I was put on this planet to be a mom. I am not perfect by any means and she of course is biased but I think she saw in me what no one else could. And even though I was young that couldn’t diminish the bond we had and the love I had for being a mom. His Mom!

I had Jack at 34 – quite an age difference and I see how different of a mom I am now. Some of it makes me happy and some of it makes me sad. For instance: I was ashamed of being a young and single mom. I was so caught up in what others thought. My house was always perfect (I’m kinda OCD anyway) but it took away from time with KJ. He always had to be dressed perfect. When he began school I lied about my age so the seasoned moms would take me more seriously. I mean what woman in the world actually pretends to be older? ✋🏻 I got very involved in his school and the PTA because I wanted to be the mom I didn’t have.

*Let me pause for a second. I had/have a mother. When I was growing up though she wasn’t the PTA kind of mom. That’s as far as I’ll go into her besides saying that she did the best she could. AND doesn’t every person want the opposite of what they have to a certain degree?Along with my mother ⬆ I had very strong women in my life; my great grandmother was instrumental and I see many of my life choices now come from her, my grandma who was/is very much a mom to me and the epitome of unconditional love and strength, and my aunt that was the best mom I think I’ve ever witnessed in motion.*

Back to my KJ after my short detour. We were and are extremely close but looking back I never got on the floor really to play cars or let him jump in mud puddles, or allow him to clean his own room because I had to have things perfect. We had amazing adventures, had so much quality time together, talked about any and everything and for that I’m grateful. We hugged and kissed all of the time and “I love you” was said multiple times a day but I was controlling and never realized it until Jack and for that I’m sad.

No one is the same person they are at 17, 21, 28 and 34. There is a lot of growth both emotionally and intellectually that takes place. With Jack, he gets to wear rain boots, a cape, and shorts in public 😳 and jump in mud puddles and dishes can wait while I play on the floor with him. I’m more aware now of what we put into and on our bodies, I’m more patient and gentle. (I was never a spanker because I wasn’t as a child and it just was unnatural to me to discipline in that way so meaning gentle in the sense of calm voice, eye level, etc. vs no and stop).

Did KJ get the short end of the stick? Sometimes I worry he did. BUT then I think of all of the things I did with him that I’m not doing with Jack. I went to ALL of KJ’s talent shows, school plays, classroom parties, etc. whereas Jack is homeschooled and might possibly not have those experiences with me. I could go on. And on. And on.

There are similarities too though. Neither were vaccinated past a certain point, both bed shared, etc. I honed into my momma gut as I became older. Breastfeeding was immediate with Jack and continued into toddlerhood. Schedules are life. I followed Jacks though and that made life easier. But the real truth is that I stopped caring what people thought of me as a parent. Both of my babes know they were and are loved. And both babes had different needs.

Mommin’ ain’t easy. And I give props to all parents just doing their best for their families…. no matter their age, experience, bank account balance, etc. And momma guilt is a bitch. So the next time I see a young mom or an experienced mom I’ll be yelling Do You Boo – silently though because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy! 🤣

Somethings you just can’t plan for.

Somethings you just can’t plan for.

As a parent we are usually going 90-nothing. Whether it be SAHM’s or working moms we are always thinking of our littles. We do the best we can and hope and pray that our precious babes aren’t going to be in counseling later in life because we screw them up. I mean seriously can I get an Amen?!

We are loving, nurturing, put our needs last, rarely get to pee by ourselves, teach our children, hope we make them laugh, dance it out when we are having hard days (I can’t be the only one that dances to Elmo, etc.) We pray for and over our children and ourselves. And when we slip up we hope by the Grace of God that we make up for it 10 fold.

Our toddlers have BIG emotions and can’t yet verbalize them. So we have a lot of patience and loving arms and soft laps to protect them, guide them, and try to help them make sense of things. But what happens when we, as parents, can’t make sense of them?

Today, my friend of 26 years lost her first baby, her dog. He would have been 12 this summer so he had lived a wonderful life. He passed away peacefully and even though we saw it coming no amount of understanding can prepare you for a loss. Especially when children are involved.

I went to pick him up this morning to come to my house while my friend worked so that I could monitor him. Jack was excited to see him. She was relieved he wouldn’t be alone. It was supposed to be okay. Only it wasn’t. I walked in and he was gone.

I had to call her at work and tell her. I broke her heart into a bazillion pieces. And that broke mine. Luckily Jackson didn’t come in with me (and before we call DHS he was completely safe ☺️) but I did have to return to the car and tell him too.

I rarely cry. That’s not because I don’t have feelings I’m just super great at bottling them up. 😬 But I was crying and there was no hiding it no matter how badly I wanted to. I wasn’t prepared to talk about this with him. And as a mom I try to be prepared for just about everything. But today I didn’t feel the mom guilt for crying because I want him to not only know but see that it is OKAY to cry and BE sad and NOT understand. I want him to have empathy.

This post isn’t about me and Jackson or shouldn’t be but about my friend and her loss. Not only did she need to grieve BUT she had to explain to her 3 year old what happened. While holding back tears, she took him for ice cream and then had to explain that when they got home a piece of their puzzle was no more. He knew he was sick and she’d been subtly trying to prepare him but how much preparing can you give to a child especially when you as the parent aren’t prepared yourself?

Last night, her precious child “read” him a book to make him feel better. I think it worked. ❤️ And gave him some extra love…How precious are their hearts?!

This is life and bound to happen but these are the kind of days that break my heart for these babies. Not to mention his momma! 💔

Today’s adventure was a somber one. But it’s real and I don’t want to just show our ‘perfect’ days. We can learn from both kinds, grow, and learn to be okay with doing our best even through tears.