Tag: nonjudgement

Sorry Not Sorry?

Sorry Not Sorry?

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Why is everyone so offended these days? Oh, I probably just offended you, oops. I’m not heartless, ignorant or self righteous but I truly don’t get it.

The “Baby It’s Cold Outside” controversy right now is baffling to me. I’ve heard the song a bazillion times in my life and I guess just never sat down to analyze every word. Who has the time between dry shampoo days and soccer games? Am I sad that women (and men for that matter) have been violated and objectified? Of course! Am I sad for someone that’s heard it and feels that way over again? Sure. But what’s the answer? In my humble opinion there isn’t one.

I’m a Christian so I hate the LGBTQ community? I practice Wicca so I’m evil? I had premarital sex so I’m a whore? I had a child out of wedlock (make that two – gasp) and they’re “bastards”? I’m a republican so I hate pro-choice? I’m a democrat so I have no scruples? I eat organic so I’m better than you? I bed share so I’m a pedophile? My child was sleep trained so she was neglected? I’m white so I can’t possibly understand anything because of my privilege? I’m a minority so I must be uneducated and headed to prison? I mean What in The actual Fuck? Need I go on? Okay, I will… I don’t allow my son to see his father so I’m awful? I allow my son to and I’m awful. I’m not Jewish so I can’t embrace Hanukah? I’m not a Christian so you can’t say Christmas you must say happy holidays? I’m on an antidepressant so I’m broken? I cuss so I can’t love Jesus? I support equality so I have no moral compass? I don’t support gay marriage and I have no moral compass? My child has a breakdown in public so I must not be disciplining? I spank my child and CPS needs to be called immediately? Is it not possible to support the police but not support police brutality?

This is an ever changing world and thank God for that. Progress has been made yet there is a long way to go. I still don’t know that being politically correct all of the time is right. I mean honestly, if you feel a certain way in your bones and you don’t communicate like a reasonable person to another reasonable person(s) and you follow politically correct protocol then aren’t we just a bunch of liars? The only way to change is to LEARN from one another. Civilly. You know, because we have made progress? I accidentally cut someone off in line today so I paid for their coffee. I didn’t know if he was a killer, a rapist, gay, a bigot, a father, an asshole but just that he was human. * For the record: had he of been a killer, rapist, or bigot I prob would have flipped him off & sped away while listening to my Christian radio station and calling him every profanity my mouth could muster under my breath or not since Jack said “What the hell is that?” while pointing at a weird bug later on in the day. 😬 * Wait, should I not have called the bug weird? Jesus take the wheel.. I don’t know if that’s on the appropriate list or not. 🤦🏼‍♀️

It seems like I’m making light of horrific things that have happened to people, cultures, societies, etc. and I’m truly not. Injustices piss me off just like they do you. But let that fire inside you drive YOU to be better. Live and let live. Be kind. Don’t be an asshole. Join civilized organizations or groups to make a difference. Peacefully protest for change. Make your voice be heard. You just don’t have to condemn and judge others to do so. We are ALL a work in progress. We have ALL been mistreated. Guaranteed. And pain is pain. We are ALL working through trauma of some sort. Because we are ALL human. ✌🏻

Edit: those that have sexually and/or physically assaulted, verbally and/or mentally abused, etc. ANY man, woman, or child should absolutely be criminalized or rehabilitated based on the case. I am in NO way saying that that is okay because it is NOT and if you’ve read my other blogs or know my story you’d know that to be true.

* Featured pic was used from quizlady.com

Be kind. It’s simple.

Be kind. It’s simple.

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Recently Jack started Play Therapy. I’ve questioned whether or not to discuss this here but I’ve decided to for two reasons. 1) When a child needs help we help them. 2) Because I want him to grow up with the tools to express himself in a healthy way, problem solve, and have healthy relationships.

Backstory: He has been through some traumatic events. I tried diligently to shield him from them but that isn’t always possible. I was at the library at our co-op one day and he pushed me (new behavior that breaks my heart) and a friend w/o judgement told me about this book.

It was if God himself placed her there at that very moment and I immediately checked it out. As I was reading it spoke about the brain… all about the brain and how we as parents have to tune into it. We are all a little traumatized so this book helps adults heal too. If we are healed then we are better equipped to help our littles heal. However, we needed some more help.

* Let me say here quickly that my child isn’t “broken” and why I feel the need to say that makes me sick because I’m so against the stigma that comes with therapy. *

He has a friend, my best friends son, and there were (are) times he would almost bully him even though he loves him so much. They’re 4… well 4 and 5 now as they both just had birthdays! 🎉 Where did he learn this behavior? I’d always been patient, I’d always been nurturing, I practice gentle parenting, we play outside, I’m hands on, I’m home with him….. you get my drift. Then I realized two things: another child had been aggressive towards him and used words we didn’t allow (not an excuse but truth) and he was having BIG emotions that he was unable to verbalize to me. Our schedule had been off and there were a couple of life changes that happened but still – where did my sweet boy go? This was beginning to affect our relationship and other close relationships we have. My true friends didn’t treat him any different, were so very supportive of us both, and were willing to help me help him anyway I could. There were a select few that chose to talk about him and me as if we were a joke. Quite disgusting.

We’ve been twice now to play therapy and by reading the book there has been some improvement! I can’t wait to see how he flourishes moving forward with play therapy and by being around those that truly love him.

This is my goal for him. ⬆️ I’m not a quitter and we will win this together.

My goal for myself. ⬆️ And I think so many other parents should take note of it too.

Thursday, we had play therapy and then that same night issues arose with a couple of people I know unbeknownst to him. Friday, probably after a day of processing from therapy he brought up a hurtful event that happened to him from a friend. We talked through it over and over until he was comfortable enough w/ our discussion to go to sleep. Unfortunately, I had to discuss that adults can be mean to each other too. His sweet self said “mommy, I don’t want anyone to be mean to you.” I explained I felt the same for him and that it’s important to be the friend he wants in return.

Man, we certainly can learn a lot from children.

And what a great quote for adults too! ⬆️

Breast Implant Illness – does it exist?

Breast Implant Illness – does it exist?

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

16 years ago, at the age of 24, I got breast implants. I had thought about it for 4 solid years. I was a tiny a cup on one side and a double a on the other. I’m very petite but curvy so I just wanted to be proportionate. I didn’t do it for a man or men in the future. I truly did it for me. To make me feel better about me. As vain as that may sound to some it worked. I didn’t go large.. in fact the morning of surgery I asked the Plastic Surgeon (PS) to go down a size smaller. This would then make me a full b small c. No one that I hadn’t told knew I had implants. They looked and felt real.

I went with round Mentor Smooth Saline above the muscle. My PS suggested I went below but I had a 4 yr old at home at the time and needed a faster recovery. He said they may ripple but I was fine with that. And actually they really didn’t. I got “lucky.”

Similar to mine. Clear, soft, and smooth.

↪️ Fast forward to December of 2017. I felt tired all of the time, I had a little appetite, and I felt off. I know my body extremely well and something wasn’t right BUT I thought my Uncle was receiving a liver transplant so I was under a little more stress than normal. That bled over into January of this year BUT then he got one 🙌🏻 and stayed here at my house for a bit. Was the worry about him and the stress of the past toxic (past blog) 4 years just getting to me.

↩️ Back up a bit now – I’d had joint pain after Jack and lost a lot of weight then too. I was also nursing on demand and that babe was demanding. 🤣 I felt like my body was turning on itself. I eat really pretty well. I supplement w/ a b-complex, d3, turmeric, e, and CBD. I’m active – like not a marathon runner 🙄 but a get up and go kind of girl that rarely sits down. I’ve always been into health but rid the house when I was pregnant with Jack of anything toxic. In other words nothing toxic in our house, on our bodies, and try to eliminate putting anything in our bodies but Panera and Chick-fil-a annnnnnd drinking Coke 🤦🏼‍♀️ is my crack. We do detox baths on the reg and everything in moderation right? 😉

I developed an autoimmune disorder called Annuloma Granulary in my mid to late twenties but thought nothing about it really. I’m not sure why really but maybe because I was busy busy busy with my older son then. I had the mercury filling taken out around then too. But overall pretty healthy. I guess when Jackson was about 2 I went to see my PCP but saw the PA that day. I listed off joint pain, tired, lower back pain, my autoimmune disorder, etc and asked for a complete blood panel. She told me I had fibromyalgia and postpartum depression. Um…. what?! PPD is REAL and I can’t imagine but I didn’t have it. And fibro? Not accepting that. I went to my OBGYN.. he said sounds like rheumatoid arthritis. Cool. Except it wasn’t.

I stumbled upon this group from a crunchy moms group I’m in a couple of years ago and asked to join. I was desperate. Here is the website if you would like to find out more

https://healingbreastplantillness.com and they have a FB group too. Y’all over 41k members. So I kind of took note.

↪️ Fast forward again: over the last 6 months I’ve had my blood work done again, have been referred to my OBGYN to check for the possibility of ovarian cancer, and have had genetic testing done through Ambrey Genetics. But then on 6/9/2018 (the day before my 39th Birthday) I woke up in excruciating pain and in shock. My right breast felt as if it had been kicked with a cleat as hard as someone could. I was shaking. I got up and my little one and I went to a friends house. I needed to see if I was somehow overreacting. I asked if it was bruised and she said it wasn’t but was hot to the touch and so hard she felt my skin would rip and demanded I went to the ER. I’m really never sick and I certainly don’t go to the ER.. I think the last time I did was when I was 9 after breaking my collar bone but waiting until the morning. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The ER PA was clearly concerned but was really out of his element. He called for a breast specialist to come down but she was in surgery so he referred me to her office (that didn’t take my insurance) and/or my OBGYN that I’ve been waiting to get into since April. No answers. I went to my PCP and she was concerned and ordered an ultrasound. I had that done (in the ER) and they found a “fluid pocket” so the radiologist read it, gave me a cd, & sent me on my way. Next stop: the PS that did the surgery so many years ago. He said I had a (late, normally if they occur it’s within the first year) capsular contracture. He said to up my vitamins and come back in two weeks and that I shouldn’t be concerned about the Seroma (fluid), that Breast Implant Illness doesn’t exist, that he’d removed them but that if I didn’t put new ones in (silicone mind you) that I’d be deformed in so many words. Oh, and all of this for $5400. Chump change, gah!

In the mean time I was becoming very sick. I had major brain fog, my lower back felt like it was going to snap, I couldn’t eat – I.could.NOT.eat. Like anything. I began having gastro problems. I’ll spare you the deets on that but I bet you can imagine. And in two weeks I went from a healthy weight of 116 down to 101. I’m 5’2. I had my labs ran again at an after hours clinic. NOTHING came back. No food poisoning, no parasites, no bad bacteria at all. Nothing.

Back to the PS. Nothing had changed and neither had my options. So back to my PCP and thank God for her because she was the ONE person in the medical field that looked me straight in the eye and said “I think these things are making you sick and we’ve got to get them out!” 🙌🏻 I’m not crazy. I knew I wasn’t but to hear someone in that position really HEAR you and TRUST you BELIEVE you… I could of cried.

This was taken from www.drparsons.com to show what a new implant looks like (first pic, scroll up) to them removed. These are so mild compared to others I’ve seen from real women. Calcification, mold, leaks, ruptures…. the capsule and scar tissue must be removed too AND tested! Why?

What is ALCL you ask? Read THIS! 👇🏻

https://www.fda.gov/MedicalDevices/ProductsandMedicalProcedures/ImplantsandProsthetics/BreastImplants/ucm239995.htm

Now scheduled for a MRI with contrast and will move forward from there. Hopefully with a breast specialist at the hospital so my insurance might cover the removal. I’d rather be “deformed” than feel like I’m dying.

* And why is this on our adventure blog you may be wondering? Well.. because I nursed him for 4 years out of these, I’m super centered around homeopathy, organic living, etc. (oh the irony of having toxic bags implanted 😩) and this is happening. One thing I won’t be is inauthentic and this (my health) directly effects him as well. 😘

Learning Toy Review

Learning Toy Review

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I bought this from amazon https://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Magnetic-Anatomy-Storage/dp/B001SVX6NI

Annnnnnd I love it!

Jack is always dressing up and if it’s not a firefighter, policeman, or a caped & masked hero of some kind it’s this entirely too small and pelvis missing skeleton costume. 🤷🏼‍♀️ So, this evening he put it on and I had an idea to pull out this set I’ve been holding onto for Summer learning.

It has a magnetic base (skeleton) which is a great tool to learn bones & then you attach different systems to it.

It has an organ system both for males and females. My uncle had a liver transplant in January and so we have talked a lot about different organs but this was age appropriate and clear.

It has the vascular system which gave a visual to our talks about blood and what it does in our body.

It has a muscular system again giving a visual to talks during yoga, running, etc. and eating right for our muscles.

It has two naked bodies; 1) representing a male and 2) representing a female. We are very open.. I always have been with both boys. Jack knows the technical term for his genitalia and he knows mine. *Side note: while he has a name for his “peep” I think it’s super important that children know from an early age the technical term for a number of reasons but one being in the case of sexual assault.*

And it has clothes to makes the bodies dressed.

He loved putting all of the different systems together and asking questions about each. We love this! Now — let me add that I realize that MANY people do not identify with one gender. I also realize that many like gender neutral items. I get that. I’ve never directed him to choose anything simply because he’s a “boy” in fact I’ve embraced whatever he’s drawn to. He so happens to really love cars and trucks so they take up most of the house but we have a Barbie in the shower as we speak. I am in no way shaming ANYONE at all because this happens to be boy/girl nor am I discluding or discrediting or demeaning. We do do not live in a box and embrace all people. Period. With that said, I do really like this as a teaching tool for my little.

One love. ❤️

Mommy Wars

Mommy Wars

by Jayna ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I recently blogged about a little boy kicked out of a library in truth because he has autism. In that post I also touched on red dye and how that we’ve had meltdowns in public and while most people rolled their eyes one person actually cared enough to help.

Yesterday Jack-Jack and I went to Sprouts. As we got in line a mom pulled up with her cart and a little one screaming, crying, and trying to run through the store. There was one mom with her little in front of me and a single woman behind me. I asked if the mom with the upset little wanted to go ahead of me. The lady behind me smirked “good idea” I assume to get the screaming child out of there as quickly as possible to she could finish her phone call.

This sweet momma took my offer. I helped her unload her groceries onto the check out conveyer while the mom in front loaded her bags for her into the cart.

THIS is how we should be. Mommin’ ain’t easy.

My friend happened to call while I was leaving and I was telling her how amazing it was to see women (moms) come together and HELP each other.

The same friend called me today to tell me about her evening the night before. She worked until 5, couldn’t pick up her 3 year old until close to 6 because of traffic and because of bad weather. She had to go to the grocery store to literally grab a couple of things FOR HER SON.

She acknowledged that he was already upset… I would be too. I know I’m hungry and tired by 6-6:30 but he also hadn’t seen his mommy all day. — this kills her btw. She misses him so much throughout the day she’s often in tears and the last thing she wants is for him to be upset. NO mom wants that.

He was in a typical 3yo meltdown faze.. one you can’t rationalize or fix because THEY can’t. They have big emotions and can’t express WHY their upset like we can. Duh. He wanted a treat. She was getting him one for after dinner but of course he kept changing his mind as kids often do and getting more upset by the second.

A woman looks at her and says not only in public, around others but in front of her baby that she can’t let him get away with that or he will continue. WHAT?! WHY? Mind BLOWN.

This complete stranger has NO idea what my friends little was going through.. what if he had just fallen or had a bad day or countless other possibilities? This complete stranger had NO idea that my friend was in excruciating pain and has extreme anxiety regarding bad weather. She didn’t care. She wanted to share her judgement and be done.

This is heartbreaking to me for my friend and all of the other mommas that have experienced this (including myself) because this is NOT helpful in any kind of way. Instead it’s the opposite, harmful!

WHY can we not find it in ourselves to stop the judgement? Why can’t we be a village? One of the beauties of parenting is being given the opportunity to raise our children as WE see fit given they aren’t abused or neglected.

“I really want to run into the store while my little one cries, screams, hits, etc.” said no mom ever. But guess what… sometimes we have to.

This.Has.Got.To.Stop.!